The two songs combined only had ten notes. Yet, the anxiety behind it was overwhelming. My oldest daughter, Amnisty, is super shy and an introvert. She recently started taking piano lessons and had her first recital on Saturday. In the week leading up to it, she mentioned she was nervous because she had to introduce herself in front of an audience of 40. We talked through her fears, and everything seemed alright until she burst into tears as we drove to the recital. She begged me to have her skip the introduction part and play the piano. At first, I pushed for her to face her fears and do it, but then I took a step back and reflected on how far she’s come with her shyness and her anxieties around people. Pushing her to public speak even for 20 seconds could traumatize her and ruin future opportunities. I spoke to her teacher, and we both agreed that she only needed to play, no introduction necessary. Playing to an audience was a massive feat in itself.
She played her two songs beautifully with no mistakes; she even took a bow at the end of her songs.
Here’s our conversation on the way home:
Me: How’re you feeling? Did you survive? Are you still alive?
Amnisty: I’m feeling good. It wasn’t bad. I’m glad it’s over, though.
Me: Did anything happen to you because of the recital? Did anything change?
Amnisty: No
Me: Wrong! Something did change today. You are a different human being now than you were two hours ago. You have experienced growth during the recital that would not have happened otherwise. You performed in front of others. Even though you didn’t speak, you still played your music. You are one step closer to overcoming your fear.
How often do you look at experiences as growth, even the ones as simple as a song of Hot Cross Bun? With every moment comes personal growth and overcoming, but only if we are willing to see it.
love this post…. my 9 year old son is also a beginning piano player and gets grouchy just at the mention of a possible future recital. I know he would be a nervous wreck (he is also shy and introverted, much like me). This reminds me to be kind and gentle with him, and not just force my “you’ll be fine, it’s good for you!” mentality. The growth will still happen, even if they don’t tackle everything in one shot. Thank you for your insight, as I’m sure his day is around the corner 🙂
I feel your mama heart! It’s such a fine line between pushing them to face their fears and pausing to acknowledge what’s already been accomplished.
You are a very wise mother, and I love how you handled this situation! It was important to celebrate how far she had already come, and take a step back to not impose trauma on her in this situation!