It was early September 2016 when I first realized I needed help. The type of help that was outside of my control and even understanding, professional mental help.
Growing up, I had a normal childhood. At least to me and those around me, it was normal. No different than my neighbor or anyone else living in Iraq. It never fazed me that what I was experiencing with war and everything associated with it slowly weaved itself within my mind, body, and even my soul. I struggled with a bad temper, but I didn’t realize there was more to it, and it rooted deeper than I expected. Even though I came to America at a young age, attended school, and eventually got a job, the trauma had already ingrained itself within my DNA. It was just a matter of time before it surfaced.
It wasn’t until ISIS (Islamic State of Iraq and Syria) began their horrendous acts against the Assyrian people living in Iraq that my trauma began to emerge its ugly head. I knew I had experienced trauma, but I didn’t realize my body had kept tabs all those years. I also didn’t realize how deeply rooted that trauma was. The unspeakable acts carried out by ISIS were videotaped and posted on various Islamic channels. As I watched their actions, my behavior and personality began to change. My trauma began to surface, and my body finally displayed signs of it. Just because I suppressed it, it doesn’t mean it didn’t exist. It took ISIS to awaken it.
This was when my husband realized I needed help, the type of help that was outside of what he could provide. By the end of September, my journey for a better, brighter future began. That is when I realized my mental and emotional health was just as important as my physical health. It hasn’t been the easiest road by any means (that’s a story for another blog), but it has been gratifying to free myself of my past. To have the ability to think and speak about my past without any ramifications is extremely rewarding and liberating.
Trauma is mysterious. Its roots tend to dig deep within our souls, while its ugly head can be unrealized. Trauma emerges at different times and speeds. It can take a few hours from the time of the incident; it could take days or even years. One way or another, it will emerge. Although suppressing it may seem like the noble thing to do, it can be physically, mentally, and emotionally harmful.
May is mental health awareness month. Evaluate your health not just in a physical sense with diet and exercise but also in a mental sense with no judgment and no guilt. Seek a trusted friend to talk to. Find support groups that can relate to your situation. Seek therapy if necessary. Although this journey may seem lonely, you’re not alone. So many others suffer in silence or suppress it because that’s what society expects from us. A need for help is viewed as a display of weakness and very stigmatic. Break the cycle and do what is right for you!
Cyber hug! I remember listening to men who came back from Vietnam around 1974 and how horrendous their stories were, what they had experienced and things they had been ordered to do. PTSD is real, cannot be seen other than through listening and recognizing. They knew if they asked for help, their careers in the military would be over so they sought out empathetic shoulders to lean on to try to get the horrors out. Glad you are doing better, love ya!
Cyber hug back 🙂 It is so heartbreaking to see so many people struggle with depression and anxiety and yet don’t do anything about it because of the consequences. People should be empowered to ask for help not put down. Love ya!