My Grief

Grief is such a complicated emotion. It comes with so much uncertainty. One minute you’re laughing and feeling great, and the next minute, everything turns dark, pain sets in, and all of a sudden, you are overwhelmed with emotions. Then you’re laughing again.

I’ve experienced so much loss in my lifetime. I’ve lost my home on many occasions, I’ve lost my most precious possessions, I’ve lost friends, I’ve lost family members, and I’ve even lost my home country. Everything I lost was outside of my control. I grieved all of it and moved on. Not because I wanted to but because I had to. War left me with no choice but to pick myself up and push forward. I didn’t dwell on grief as much either because I couldn’t. To be alive was a gift in itself, I had to be grateful. When my family and I escaped Iraq the first time, I was nine years old. As we packed, my mother told me I could not bring anything of value with me. I had one small bag to pack. All my stuffed animals, toys, and even my favorite blanket that I could not live without had to be donated. That was only the beginning of everything I would lose in the next six years.

This past week, as I mourn the loss of my grandmother, I realized my grieving extends beyond just missing her. My grief is for the life she never had and the experiences she missed out on. My grief is for the tremendous amount of hardship she lived through and continued to persevere. My grief is for the sixteen years I missed with her because war separated us, and I grief for the fact that she hadn’t seen her middle son and his family for the past fourteen years because of war.

My grief extends to everything she didn’t have and everything I have today, the life I have grown accustomed to. The opportunities I have been presented with, yet I take for granted.

Watching a loved one being-laid to rest is heart-wrenching, but knowing they never had a chance and yet they never gave up is even more painful. You and I are blessed with amazing opportunities. To live life to the fullest despite COVID or anything else that you think is holding you back. We are granted a chance to make a difference. So let’s take advantage of those blessings instead of one day grieving them.